I am broken. Or at least I feel that way at times. Lately, I’ve just felt so out-of-place, wrong somehow and I can’t seem to figure out what it is. If I’m honest, I’m to blame the majority of the time. I face struggles like everyone else, but I tend to face them on my own. When many people pray harder during times of trial, I tend to pray less. I man up, buckle down and tell myself that I can handle it. And of course it doesn’t work. I may be able to tread water for a little while, but it’s only a matter of time before I begin to sink.
It’s hard you know. It’s hard to be the one whom people look to for guidance and stability when all along you need it yourself. It’s tough to work so hard fixing mistakes only to make them again and again. I know I’m not the only one. I know we all face struggles. In fact, I’m sure mine pale in comparison to what others may be dealing with right now. It’s not that I lack gratitude. I’m appreciative of what I do have.
I just need the peace only God can provide. I need his peace that passes all understanding. I need to commune with him more in prayer. I need more friendship. I need to let go, to give up, to really trust that God will meet my needs if only I’ll lean on him. This is my confession.