I’m At The End of Me

Dear God,

I’m finally at the end of me.

Broken.

Hopeless.

I’ve lost the will to fight.

I’ve watched as everything I deem important has fallen apart around me.  Everything I thought you wanted me to do has blown up in my face and left me wheeling and confused.  Why?  Why have you let it get to this point?  You promised that you would never give me more than I could bear.  Well, I’m there beyond the point that I can bear.  I have questions but no answers.  I need help but have no one to help me.  Why is this so hard?  Where are you when I need you the most?  Am I supposed to learn something?  Am I supposed to show patience and strength when I have none left?  Am I meant to reside in my weakness so that you can finally take over?

Please help!

I’m lost!

I don’t know what to do!

Amen.

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21 thoughts on “I’m At The End of Me

  1. This is like a paraphrase of one of King David’s prayers, a powerful, open & honest heart’s cry — the essence of true communion — and the kind of prayers the Lord loves most, for such prayers are His open invitation to truly be our ‘all in all’… Amen!

  2. Joe, I can tell you are hurting. I do not know what or why. God promises we will not be tempted beyond what we can escape from, but does not promise we will not have more than we think we can bear in life. Yet, I know (and you do too) that He is there when we fall (fail) to carry us through and comfort us during and after the hurt.

    The most poignant statement you make is “Am I meant to reside in my weakness so that you can finally take over?” To that I think God may answer a resounding, “Yes.” Many times His word tells us from the lips of Christ and the New Covenant writers that we are to die to ourselves and live for Him. I must set aside my pride, my wants, my desires, my anger, my lusts, my plans, my life to follow Him.

    This is similar to a marriage relationship where you give your life (all of you) to your spouse for their benefit. It is better than a marriage because whereas we sometime let our spouse down and they sometime let us down, we KNOW that God will ALWAYS be faithful in His love for us and He will ALWAYS return your love – He alread has. We know love bcause He first loved us.

    Know that although I do not know the detaisl of your pain, I am in prayer for you.

    1. Joe Butler

      Thank you scott. I really needed to hear everything you said. I’m just going through such a dark tunnel right now that I can’t see the light at the end. I’ve made a lot of mistakes that have hurt those closest to me and have been feeling very alone. I’m very thankful for you and all the others who have reached out to me with their kind words and their prayers.

  3. Joe you know Ray and I love you, Emma very much. Know we are praying for you. Please reread what I wrote you. Ray and I are praying for you during your rough time. HE IS always there for yougeka

  4. I truly admire your honesty, dear Joe. Every day we see–especially on social media–people posting “see how great my life is” pictures etc. Knowing how some of them are actually doing in real life, it’s sad to see them living life hurt behind a mask of “I’m fine”. It takes courage to release such an honest post as you have, dear brother! As one mentioned in a previous comment, it’s like the cry of King David. Please read Psalm 18 and notice verse 6! From thereon, see how God moved mightily and delivered David. Better yet, proclaim it over your own life and praise God, even though you may not feel like it. He will also move on your behalf as did in David’s life. You are His child, don’t forget that!

    I don’t know what your situation is, but ask God what He is trying to tell you. Please remember that you’re not alone!

    I’ll keep you in my prayers, dear brother, and be looking forward to read your next post, praising God for His mighty work in you and your life 😀 The test soon becomes a testimony 😉

    1. Joe Butler

      Thank you so much for your kind words. Sometimes it just takes releasing your fears to God and others to realize how many people you have in your life that care for you and are praying for you. Thanks again for the encouragement.

  5. atimetoshare

    God has a plan for you, Joe. Everything is for a purpose. You won’t always see why at first, but someday it will become clear. Just remember that God hears and answers every one of our prayers in His time and for our benefit. His love for you is way beyond human comprehension. Hang on to Him and turn it over to Him.

      1. atimetoshare

        I know what you’re going through. I’ve been around for a long time and have seen my share of struggle and disappointment. It’s hard to let go and let God do what He does best. Never forget that with Him all things are possible. Hang in there!

  6. Dee Dee

    You answered your own questions in the last sentence of the blog. Yes, we always have to let go and let God. It’s not always easy but it’s what has to be done.

    Proverbs 3:5-6
    Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
    In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

    One of my favorite songs is “Praise Him in the storm”, by Casting Crowns.
    Praying for you.

    1. Joe Butler

      I’ve found that knowing the answer and really residing in the answer are two different things. I’m just having a hard time doing that right now because my faith has been tested so strongly. It’s been wonderful to receive all these comments and support because it shows me that I’m not alone and it’s ok to feel lost sometimes. Thanks again for your encouragement.

  7. Thank you, Joe, for sharing your heart. I can relate to feelings of despair. I feel so much to despair day in and day out being a quadriplegic. And I beat myself down thinking I shouldn’t be so weak. After all, I’m a Christian and I have the spirit! I should be strong like those in Hebrews who never got what they were promised and yet they were willing to die for their beliefs (some were even sawed in half). But then I look reality as its outline in the Psalms. Pain is part of life and God will not give me more than I can bear. Although some times I question his wisdom. I am grateful for what you’ve written today. It helps me to know that I am not alone and I am not the only one that suffers. Your post was a gift for me today. You sharing your weakness help me to feel strong. God bless.

    1. Joe Butler

      Some of David’s psalms were exactly what I was thinking about when I wrote that prayer. I wanted to talk to God for real and lay out there all the questions and worries that weigh so heavily on my heart. It’s been very healing to speak to him in that way and he is already answering me through many of the comments and support I’ve received thus far. I’ve got a long way to go to make things right with God and with myself but I’m already beginning to be in a better place just because I shared what was really in my heart.

  8. This is my first visit to your blog and I want to say how blown away I am at your honesty. I want you to know I prayed for you before I posted this comment, and I’ll continue to pray as God brings you to mind. Let me emphasize what others have said, dear one. God DOES allow us to face more than we can handle on our own. He never promised otherwise. If it was true that he didn’t give us more than we can handle, we wouldn’t need Him, would we? There was a song a while back that said something like: When I come to the place where You’re all I have, I find You’re all I need. Sounds like you are at that place. Joe, I pray God will lift you up as only He can. And may your heart reach out to others who are hurting and are not sure where to turn. May He bless you with His Presence, His peace, His joy, and may He be praised in the midst of this storm. I hope you continue to post the progress in your journey. You have an important message for all of us.

    1. Joe Butler

      Thank you for all your kind words. It’s been so refreshing to be up front and honest with my struggles in life. I have not always done so and have tried to tackle challenges on my own sometimes with disastrous results. I did find that not everyone appreciated my candor. Almost all who know me or read my blog posts were supportive and offered up prayers and words of encouragement to help me on my way. Sadly, I even had a few who thought I simply sought attention and had no one to blame but myself. I’m happy to say that God’s wonderful love and mercy have worked wonders in my life since I wrote that post several weeks ago. As with my walk with God in general, there’s always room for improvement, but He has led me into a better understanding of my own faults and sins while also giving me the strength to overcome whatever Satan may throw my way. I can do nothing else but give him all the glory.

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